Knowledge is Strength

As I was riding my bike yesterday I was doing some pretty intense reflecting. For whatever reason, I was thinking about the phrase "knowledge is power." How I believe that to be so true except with one alteration. I have a problem when people say that knowledge is power. Yes, knowledge is a very good thing. I find that a continued growth in knowledge is important. For instance, if I look at my own life, I can see that I am a better person because of the knowledge that I have. I am able to understand myself better through knowledge of my personality type and my love language, for example. I have been able to grow as a person through the knowledge that I have received from my classes at school. I plan on continuing to grow in knowledge for the rest of my life. You have to, if you ask me. Like I said before, there is one problem I see with the phrase "knowledge is power." The word "power" tells me that people use their knowledge to get ahead, maybe at the expense of others. The word "power" tells me that people are more likely to use their knowledge for bad than for good. Knowledge should not be used in this way. Knowledge should be used to benefit all, including ourselves. This is why I want to rephrase the phrase to "knowledge is strength." Strength because knowledge helps you to be a better person, at least that's what I believe it does. Knowledge is strength. One's strength can and should be beneficial to all. This is what I reflected on during my bike ride. Can you imagine that my mind works this hard during something like a bike ride? Welcome to my world! :)

I'm Back!

Here I am once again. It has been quite a long time since I have written and it feels good to be back. I don't plan on writing every day as I did over Lent. I plan on writing whenever there is inspiration or when my thoughts are spilling out of my brain. Once again, I look forward to this journey.

So, you may be wondering what the heck has happened to me since I've last written and why the heck I am back. I will start with why I am back... this will be much easier. I am back because of some journaling time in adoration. Over the past couple of weeks of summer I have had some time to journal, and let me tell you, it has given me much clarity in my life. Yesterday, as I was in adoration journaling, it dawned on me (or should we call this a divine kick in the pants?) that I missed blogging. I missed sharing the moments that have touched my life. I missed sharing my insight. I missed letting you all into my life. Therefore, I have decided that it is time to get back into the swing of things. So, here I am. I really look forward to what I have to say to you all because I feel that I have gained a lot of wisdom and a lot of clarity over these weeks of summer. This is one of the things that I do best: reflect. I am so eager to share my reflections with you all!

Where have I been? What has happened to me? So much has happened that there is no way that I can share it all here. Gosh, I don't even know where I would start. This is what I will tell you, however. I read over a few of my posts throughout my lented journey and I am amazed for a number of reasons. I am amazed at some of the things that I wrote - they sound so beautiful, so poetic, so full of truth and life. I am amazed at the way that I looked at life. It is absolutely beautiful. I am amazed at where I am now on my journey versus where I thought I would be. This last statement is in reference to my last post. I apparently felt extremely called to something that I am currently not sure if I am actually called to. Surprise, surprise! I am talking about graduate school. I still don't have a clue where I will end up. As I entered the summer uncertain, I decided that I was going to take the summer off from thinking about it. So far this has really been working for me. I need to let my mind rest. I am well aware of the way that God communicates with me. For me, when I have to make a big decision about something God just lets me know. I just know. Clearly, I don't know yet about graduate school, so I will give God the time He needs to tell me. It will be revealed to me, I am sure of this. Therefore, I don't need to think about it now and I won't. So, this is the last you will be hearing about this for awhile.

Here's my reflective side now. I want to explain to you as to why I find it important to share my heart with you all. It goes something like this. If you have this inspiration in your life, if you have this truth residing within your heart, it is a crime not to share it. God did not give us such wisdom to keep all for ourselves. If there is a possibility that my knowledge, wisdom, and thoughts can contribute to the edification of you all, then I will gladly share. However, it is in the sharing in which I am most edified. I find it so important to share the things that bring me to life. It hurts me to keep it all locked up inside. I feel such joy knowing that you all are able to share and participate in my life through a blog. Whoever would have thought? I feel so unified with you all and I don't really even know who all is reading this. I feel so connected, and this is what we call the Body of Christ. Because I feel this way, because I know that I am participating in the Body of Christ, I am able to understand how important it is to share my life with others. "Those who keep their lives with lose them, but those who lose their lives, for my sake, will save them." I am taking a little bit of a different interpretation on this bible verse but I think it still works. I am basically saying to let go of your life and to share it. At least that is what I am trying to do. As I said before, I am so excited to continue to share my life with you all. Our lives mean nothing if we don't share them. It doesn't do us or anybody any good if we keep it all to ourselves.  

A Good Friday

Ever wonder why we call Good Friday "good"? For a nonbeliever, calling a day like today "good" is absurd. But, for a believer, it makes perfect sense why we call today "good". Our lives would be much different if Jesus didn't do what He did today. Now that's crazy to think about.

Besides today being good because of what Jesus did for us, today is good for another reason for me. As all of you know I have been thinking a great deal about graduate school. You also know that I have been going back-and-forth, back-and-forth for a very long time. Today, I am feeling very happy and content with a decision that I have made. Hopefully this decision will last longer than a couple of days. As of right now, I am feeling very called to get my doctorate. This might be crazy to some people but it seems so right for me. I do indeed feel called to this. I am called to do something great. I am called to do something unlike the majority of people. I am called to make a difference in a very special way. When looking at the grand scheme of things, my dream is to open my own practice, a big practice, for families, spouses, and their children. I imagine having this large practice, maybe we should call it a company or something, that really serves those "little chruches," the domestic church - the family. This sounds so wonderful to me. And yet some may wonder how on earth I will do all of this. How on earth will I have my own practice while being a wife and a mother (God willing)? I ask this myself. The things is, we can't figure it all out. We can only plan for the future so much. The rest we have to leave up to God. If God is calling me to this, and if He is calling me to be a wife and a mother, then He will make it happen. I may not understand how, but He does and He will come through for fulfillment. If God is calling you to something, and even though you may not understand it or you may not know how it will all work out, you need to answer that call. He will work all of the kinks out. So this is exactly what I am doing. I am answering the call and letting Him work all of the knots out.

You may be wondering how I have come to this conclusion and how I am at peace with it. My answer is prayer. I don't know if you have ever heard of St. Gianna but she has been quite the inspiration for me. I don't know a whole lot about her myself but what I do know of her has given me strength and courage. St. Gianna was a medical doctor and a wonderful wife and mother. She was a very prolific woman, so much so that she gave her life for the sake of her baby a few days after birth. St. Gianna was canonized by Pope John Paul II in 2004. Because she was a wife, mother, and a doctor, I felt that she was the one to pray to for my own situation. In her I have found much strength, courage, and drive. I feel at peace, I think, because of her. Maybe she has given me the grace and peace to accept this call in my life. St. Gianna has been a model and influence for me thus far, and I can imagine that she will continue to be so. So, on this Good Friday, I feel very at peace and content. I feel that my calling is a great one, and I am so excited about it. I feel much strength and desire. Thank you, St. Gianna.

Stripped

I told you that I would mention something about Holy Thursday. What actually got me the most tonight at Mass has more to do with Good Friday than it does Holy Thursday. After Mass the altar was stripped of its garments, flowers, decorations, etc. for Good Friday. Watching this take place really prepared me for tomorrow. It kind of brought a sad feeling, seeing the altar being so bare, so naked. I think it made me sad because I understand what it symbolizes. Jesus was stripped of his own garments in preparation of carrying the cross. That's what tomorrow is all about. Jesus' journey to the cross. Seeing the altar being stripped mentally prepared me for the events that will happen tomorrow. You see the altar being stripped and you are kind of speechless. You don't really know what to say. You feel something that you can't really explain. It's a very humbling and beautiful thing to experience. I'm glad that I noticed it today.

Home Sweet Home

I have made it home for Easter break and I am so glad. Mom and I have been making nedeva and the kitchen is smelling good! I am getting very excited for the Triduum servics: Holy Thursday, Good Friday, and Holy Saturday. I plan on going to Stations on Friday and to go bless our Easter food Saturday afternoon. These are all traditions that I just love. Yep, Catholics are full of traditions. Tomorrow is Holy Thursday, one of the masses that I especially enjoy. There is something about the washing of the feet that is so beautiful and symbolic. I don't have to talk about it too much now because I will probably talk about it tomorrow night. Holy Week is one of my favorites, and I can't wait to talk about it.

Guided by Your Will

As I was praying this morning I came across this little prayer about purpose from One-Minute Prayers for Women, 2004. I figured I should share it with all of you. Enjoy!

The Lord will fulfill his purpose for me; your love, O Lord, endures forever - do not abandon the works of your hands. ~Psalm 138:8

"Will I ever feel as though I have arrived? When I was a child I could not wait until adulthood. I thought all the mysteries of life would become known. And I was certain a sense of deliberate purpose would fill me. I am still not at this place of understanding, Lord. But I do know Your love.

Lord, work out Your will in me and through me. Make my days fruitful. Guide me in my choices and in my attitude as I become the person You created me to be. Let me carry on with purpose, trusting in Your love." p. 193

Selfless

As Christ was selfless on the cross, we are also called to be selfless. We must empty ourselves just as Christ emptied Himself when He was scouraged at the pillar, when He carried the cross, and when He died. This is hard to do. It is hard to let go and surrender. But it is a worthy cause. I guess my advice for these last few days of Lent, this Holy week, is to be holy and selfless. Try to give without receiving. Surrender yourself - whatever this may mean for you. I am not sure what surrendering means for me right now, but I will think about it.  

Spontaneity

My Sunday was the complete opposite of my Saturday. I did not have a "plain Jane" Sunday. Instead, I was actually spontaneous, which doesn't happen very often. And it turned out that my spontaneity proved to be extremely worthwhile. When I was at brunch after Mass someone mentioned that there was an NFP (Natural Family Planning) talk at the FOCUS missionary house later today, and she invited me and another friend to attend. Normally, I am not very spontaneous because I always have so much to do. However, I had spent the majority of Friday and Saturday working on homework and papers, and, even though I need to write a paper today, I felt that I had the time to dedicate my afternoon to this talk. Needless to say, my friend and I went and we were very glad that we were spontaneous.

The talk was given by a doctor in her residency at KU. She biologically explained fertility and the like and discussed birthcontrol and other contraceptives. It was extremely informative to understand fertility in such a biological way. For those of you who don't know, I am extremely interested in NFP. I find it so fascinating and according to God's plan. However, besides the informative benefits I received from this talk, I am excited about two other things that branched off of it. I will explain them now.

First off, I have always thought about becoming an NFP practitioner. If I were to do so, I would basically teach NFP to other people. I would teach them the theology behind it and I would teach them how to use it. I asked this woman if I have to be married in order to become a practitioner, since it seems to me that I would understand it better if I was practicing myself. She said that I don't have to be married to be a practitioner. This surprised me. If I were to become a practitioner this doesn't mean that it would be my full time job. It would be a nice little side job, and I would do it because I love it. So, I am thinking about looking into it to see if I could be trained next spring semester, since I will not have started graduate school yet. I am going to look into it and I am really excited about that.

The second thing I am even more excited about since it directly deals with my current life. I was just so amazed by this young Catholic woman. I mean, she's a doctor and she's getting married in October. Being young, Catholic, and desiring to be a doctor myself has given me a lot of anxiety and worry in the past year. I have never been able to figure out in my head how I am suppose to do it all, to become a doctor and yet want to get married and have children. I just don't know how all of that would work. I have been jumping back-and-forth, back-and-forth trying to figure out the most rational thing to do. Yet, I am still having difficulty. But seeing this young woman doing something she loves and being so passionate about it got me so excited for my own life. After the talk I went up to her and asked her about it. I told her my struggle and that I wanted to know how she overcame the same struggle. She said that if I am so passionate about it that I need to follow my passion. I can't think about all of the negative things that would happen if I decided to get my doctorate, but about all of the positive things that could happen. Most importantly, she said that I needed to keep praying about it. And she said that she would pray for me too. So here I am so excited about this. Excited to see how my prayers will be answered. Excited for this worry and anxiety to end. Excited to be so passionate about something. If God wants me to do it, I will do it. If He has another plan for me, then I will follow that plan. It was great to see a Catholic example living out this idea that brings me so much worry and confusion.

Obviously, my Sunday has been so wonderful. Being spontaneous has paid off big time. I ask that you all pray for me in hopefully coming to make a decision in my life. Pray that God may speak His will nice and clear to me and that I will be open to hear it and to follow it. And you all will be in my prayers. God bless!

Plain Jane Saturday

Not much has happened as of yet this Saturday. I got 10.5 hours of sleep last night, and boy do I feel marvelous! Sleep is important ya know. Once I got up I wrote a paper so now that is all done, minus last minute corrections. I will go to dinner tonight, maybe do a little more homework, and then hang out with one of my friends. Just another Saturday, plain as can be. But I am ok with that. Sometimes you need a little simplicity in your life. Sometimes you just want to relax and have a boring day. That doesn't bother me one bit. A movie even sounds good, and I don't say that often.

I am looking forward to Easter break, and not because I get a break from school. I just love Easter! I love all of the Triduum services (Thursday, Friday, Saturday) and I love Easter Sunday. I love dressing up and I love participating in all of the masses. It is my favorite time of the year. It's warm outside (except for yesterday and today) and everyone is happy. Our fasting will soon be over. I can't wait to eat some desserts! What should I have? I love the smell of Easter (thanks mom for making our traditional food in our kitchen!) and I love the feeling of Easter (nice and clean and purified). Easter really is my favorite time of the year, secular year and Church year. I remember when I was little and my mom would put sponge curlers in me and my sister's hair. We would have to sleep on them, in pain I might add, through the night. The first thing I would do when I woke up was feel my head to see if any of the curlers fell out. Then I ran to the fireplace to see what I got in my Easter basket. Oh I love Easter baskets! I would put on a springtime dress with nice shoes that clicked around (I loved making the click sound with my shoes) and panty hose. And my hair would be nice and curly. Oh the good ol' days! How I loved them! All of our Easter traditions is something that I want to keep doing when I have children some day. Regardless to say, I am very excited for this Easter. It is coming up so soon and I can't wait! I plan on dressing up and going to all of the Triduum services. You should try it out, too. They are fenomenal. Get excited! Easter is almost here!

Peace

There is not much that I want to say this evening, but one thing that I can say is that I feel much peace. I'm sure that God has been working in my life, yet I don't feel anxious or worried. I just feel peace. I can't really explain it. I am content. I don't say that often. I know I have been receiving much grace from God this last week, and it has been getting me through. My body and mind are tired but I am still going strong, and at peace. I really don't have much concern. I know that everything will work out the way that God wants it to. I am not worried or anxious or anything like that. I just am. I am being. This is a good place to be.

The Sincere Gift of Self

I love being Catholic! Here's why: I am able to fully understand myself. Just listen to this. In Gaudium et spes (Vatican II document), paragraph 24, the Council states that "man cannot find himself except through a sincere gift of himself." Truth. I am able to understand myself more fully when I give of myself. Perfect example, a husband and wife fully giving of themselves to each other. A priest fully giving of himself to the Church. A mother fully giving of herself to her child. A friend fully giving of himself to his friend. The list can go on and on, but the main point is that we come to understand ourselves better when we are unselfish and give ourselves away. This means staying up late when a friend needs to talk, putting homework aside when someone needs you, waking up in the middle of the night to feed the baby, and so on. I have learned this over and over that this is the truth. And every time that I've learned this in some way, I have become overjoyed with my life, with the person that I am. Life has its full meaning when you fully understand yourself, and this can only happen when you give of yourself. Yes, it may be difficult, but the results are insurmountable. I will say it again because it is so good: "man cannot find himself except through a sincere gift of himself." Now that's something to put on your frige.   

Spiritual Maturity

The virtuous life requires a continued growth. We should always be learning, growing, and becoming better people. We should become more and more spiritually mature. I think about my life and I realize that I have grown spiritually, and I have noticed how differently I live my life, how I carry myself, how I think, the way I speak with people, and the like. Through my growth I have become a better person. I would consider myself a much better person than who I used to be, not to say that I was this awful person - now I am more spiritually mature. So, I encourage a continued growth. Life is better that way.

I have noticed these last few days that it has been difficult for me to come up with something to write. Maybe it has something to do with all of the papers that I am working on now. Maybe it has to do with where my head is at. Sometimes I think about so many things, or just one thing, and I can't put it into words. I don't know how. I don't know what to say. This is interesting. Maybe I am processing something. I know myself well enough that I know that I have to process things before I can talk about them. I have to figure things out in my head first before I start talking about them. When you grow, you also learn more about yourself. This is what I have learned, especially this year.

Excitement for the Future

As much as future plans may scare us, they are just as exciting as they are scarry because absolutely anything can happen. If you are the type of person who's glass is half empty, this may not be an anxiety-free statement. If you are the type of person who's glass if half full, this idea brings you great excitement. I am this type of person. As worried or as uncertain as I may be about my future plans, I am still so excited to see what will actually happen. Think about it. Absolutely anything can happen. Never in my wildest dreams would I have imagined my life the way it is right now. Never. And yet here I am living it. To think of what the future can hold is unbelievable. You can think about the future and how things will turn out, but, as has been proven in my own life, my dreams do not even compare to reality. Reality has always turned out to be greater. So here I am trying to figure out my future, trying to plan as much as I can. Why bother? To a certain extent you do need to plan, but to another extent you don't. This is how I see it. If I continue to grow closer to Christ and if I cotinue striving for virtue, the most wonderful things will happen in my life. I can imagine getting married and having a family and living the dream, but I don't even think that my imagination can actually contemplate how good it will actually be, that is if I continue to grow in holiness. Therefore, the future should bring me excitement because great things will happen if I continue to follow Christ. You can only worry so much about the future. The rest of the time you should just be excited about it. I am excited. I can't wait to see how it will turn out.  

Love

I want to talk about love tonight. The kind of love in which you know that everything is right in your world. The kind of love that you can't fully explain. For me, I don't receive love through gifts. I receive love through touch. I feel love the most when I can physically touch it. The best example that I have of this is children. I fully understand what love is when I hold little babies. This is what I think is so beautiful. I do not love them because of what they give me. I do not love them because of what they do. I love them because of them. I love them because they are children of God. How can you not love them? It is in and through children that I am able to understand love, true love. We want what is best for these children and we do it. When they cry, we feed them, change their diaper, care for them, hold them. This is what all love should be like. When someone is in pain, we should care for them; crying, comfort them; lonely, befriend them. It is through children that I am able to see what God sees. Think about this. Think about the way that you look at little babies, especially newborns. Think about the way that you look at every inch of their body. The way that you gaze at them. The way that you are so delicate with them. The way that you talk about them. The way that you caress them, hold them, comfort them. Think about that. I have news my friends. The way that we look at babies is the same way that Jesus looks at us. Now that's a thought. We see babies as beautiful and wonderful little creatures. God looks at us the same way. If there is ever a moment when you don't feel loved, imagine a child and realize that God looks at you in that way. He holds us, smiles at us, gazes at us, warms us, and comforts us. Isn't that a beautiful picture? If you have ever wondered why I love children so much it is because of this. It is because I am able to see God, who is love, more clearly through children.

Humble Me

I really felt that I have had some very humbling experiences this weekend. I'm going to be honest, it doesn't feel real. I keep telling people to wake me up from this dream. This weekend has been so different from the way that I normally live my life. I don't think I can explain it here, and not that I even want to since I am still processing it all. I honestly felt like a much different person this weekend, but in a good way. I felt like I was a better person. That's a very unusual feeling. I liked the person that I was, that I still am. Being humbled really makes you think, especially about your life. Confusion is setting in again but I am just going to let this way fall to the wayside. This week, the last full week of classes, will be very interesting. Being humbled is good. I've grown, I know that. It is good.

Surrounded

Well, yesterday was quite the eventful day. It was our spring formal, the first and only one that I was going to. After class I left school to go pick up my date from the airport. Unfortunately, I didn't make it to the airport because I got into an accident. I am fine, just a little tender, but my car is not. I won't share the story of what exactly happened here, but if you want to talk about it just give me a call. Nevertheless, my date and I made it to the dance at about 10:00 p.m. (4 hours late) after taking a little trip to the hospital. Better safe than sorry. And yes, I did end up going to the dance after all.

Let's talk about today. Because of what happened yesterday I felt the need to be around people all day. Despite all of the things that I have to do and that I could have done, I spent the majority of my time being around people. I just felt like I needed that. It felt safe. And I wasn't even a bit concerned about all of the things that have to get done. That isn't even a concern for me right now. I feel like I really understood the meaning of life today. Spending it with people you love. It can't get much better than that. And now I am alone in my room wishing someone was here. I really am doing fine, but it is just hard to be alone with your thoughts. Like I said, I feel safe when others are around. I am craving people, which is exactly what Jesus intended for us all along. I'm glad to know that I understand what is meant to be.

Thank you to all of those who were with me today. You really made my day special.

Your Grace is Enough

Here is something I have been thinking about a little bit: Christ's grace. He has given us this grace, which is a gift, to help us. We especially receive this grace through the Eucharist. I guess what I have been thinking about is Christ's grace is always there and always available. The fact that this gift can help us is so marvelous. I ask for grace when  something is very difficult. For instance, God, give me the grace to get all of this done. Or, give me the grace to become more like you in my RA work. So, if you're having trouble with something or with someone, ask for God's grace. I did this today and I am feeling much better. He won't let you go unanswered.  

Almost There

It really hit me today how little time I have left until the end of the semester. The scary part is how much stuff I have to get done between now and then. Let me tell you, thinking about such things can make one very worried, anxious, and stressed. However, I decided that I am not going to think about how much stuff I have to do and how much little time I have to do it in. Instead, I am going to just do it and get it done. I'm not going to think about the bad, yucky stuff. I will think about the good stuff: turning it all in and being done! Oh yeah this sounds great. One day at a time, one step at a time. This is how I am going to be living my life for the next few weeks. When I am doing something that is really fun or enjoyable, I am going to be fully present in that moment and not think about what needs to be done. When I am working on papers and projects, I will not think about how much I have left to do, but instead I will think about accomplishment. This I can do and this I can handle. 
     "I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me."

Joy

Tonight I want to talk about joy. I think this goes along the same lines as confidence. One thing that makes me so sad is all of those negative Nancy's out there. Sure, I understand that at some moments we are going to be tired or crabby or worried, and granted we all are like this from one time to another, but how can someone live life with some a negative view? Do you not see hope? Do you not see the Lord's blessings? Do you not see creation? I like to think that I am a pretty joyful person. I am not joyful just because I did well on a test. I am joyful for no apparent reason, as it seems. I am excited to live life and to see what God has in store for me. And this makes me joyful. We all should be excited to live our lives and see what happens. I know I am. I can't wait to see what my next step in life will be. Living another day doesn't stress me out. It makes me joyful. And it is my joy that I wish to share with others. I want them to take my joy, apply to themselves, and then give it away to other people. Joy. Even the word makes me happy.

I pray that you all have a joyful day tomorrow - or today :)

Confidence

I want to talk about confidence tonight. I believe that this is a trait that I possess. I believe that I have great confidence, not because of all that I can do and accomplish, but because of the One who allows me to do and accomplish all of those things. Read this quote, it should help:

     "Because the Christian has the Lord Himself dwelling within, the potential for inner strength (i.e. confidence) is unlimited."
                             ~Bedside Blessings, 19.

Yes, I do have a lot of confidence, but I have this confidence because I know of the One who has given me all of the things to be confident about. If I know that the Lord is working through my life and leading me to greatest, how can I not be confident? Seriously, how can one not be confident? I think this is a phenomenal philosophy to live by. You have Christ living in you and working in you. Confidence should flow from that. It is not you that you are primarily confident in, it is Christ who you are confident in. Therefore, knowing that Christ is in you makes you confident because you have greatness flowing within you. How can you not be confident after hearing that? 

Seeking Inspiration

Once again, as I was sitting down getting ready to type, I found nothing in my mind in which to talk about. So, as I have done before, I sought inspiration. Unfortunately, this time no fire was lit within me. That is ok. I will just type and see where I end up.

I love feeling accomplished. I felt that last night and today. I got more work done yesterday that I actually thought, and I made the final corrections on a paper today that I am turning in tomorrow. It really does make you feel good, to put your final mark on something and be done with it. I feel very accomplished. And it wasn't all that bad. This gives me hope for the future.

Ok, here's an activity. Describe yourself using ten words. Here I go: goal-driven, optimistic, passionate, selfless, unique, intelligent, beautiful, warmhearted, kind, and silly. I don't know, I thought that was fun. If there is an adjective that I left out you better let me know. I think it is a good thing to describe yourself. Maybe it's a way for you to check yourself. Am I really the person that I just described? If not, become that person. If you are lacking in one area, step it up. It is good to check ourselves every now and again. And it's pretty fun.  

The Paradox of the Cross

This is one of my favorite mysteries of Christ and the Church: the paradox of the Cross. It is just so, so awesome! Here is the bible passage and then I will explain it.

... but he said to me, "My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness." I will all the more gladly boast of my weaknesses, that the power of Christ may rest upon me. For the sake of Christ, then, I am content with weaknesses, insults, hardships, persecutions, and calamities; for when I am weak, then I am strong.
     2 Corinthians 12:9-10

This is where the paradox lies, on the cross. Jesus' act on the cross seems like an extremely weak moment for him. He suffered, he bled, he cried, he was in agony. However, his death on the cross was his strongest moment. Through his death on the cross, heaven became opened to the world. Because of Christ, we are invited into eternity.

I really like this paradox because when I feel the weakest, when I think that I can't do any more studying, that I have nothing else to give, that I can no longer help anyone or myself, I am made strong in these humble and vulnerable moments. I realize that I am strong, that these moments do bring me much strength because I am participating in the life of Christ. I suffer just as Christ suffered. Obviously not to the same extent, but I am living the way that He lived. When I realize that I am weak, I then take on a part of Christ, and then I am strong. It is through my weaknesses that I am made strong. You can't get better at something until you work and sweat over it. When I have really weak moments, when I have too much homework to do, too many jobs to do, too many activities to go to, I just remember this paradox and then it all makes sense and it all seems worth it. "For when I am weak, then I am strong."

Have a beautiful, beautiful Sunday!

One Step at a Time

Ah! Sorry about last night. I was planning to write last night but I was on call and sick, and it just left my mind. I obviously didn't do it intentionally. Hopefully you will gain a little something extra tonight.

As of three minutes ago I had no idea what I was going to write tonight. So, for a little inspiration, I pulled out two inspirational books that have daily reflections. It wasn't today's reflections that got me thinking but a quote on the page for the beginning of the month. It reads, "Every journey is accomplished one step at a time." Truth. Think about it, I wouldn't have gotten here to this place where I have accomplished so much if it wasn't for all of those little steps that I had to take, the difficult and the easy. And yet, these accomplishments here are just little steps for a bigger accomplishment. Ponder on that for a second. This thing that I have accoplished, this thing that I have worked so hard at, is just another step for something greater. This is so true for everything. On a supernatural level, we do the things here on earth so that we can reach heaven, the greatest accomplishment. We have little accomplishments throughout our day that help us reach that goal. Life is full of stepping stones. I like that. I just came up with that right here and now. Oh, that's quote worthy. I'm going to write that one down. And here's the analogy: yes, life is full of stepping stones, but it matters in which way you step down. I don't know if any of you have ran down a mountain before, but if you have you will know exactly what I am talking about. Once you've climbed up this steep mountain you've got to get down. This is the easy and fun part. You could walk down, but this would be the hard way. Instead, it is much easy to just let your body run down. Ah this is so enjoyable. You let go of your body and just let it fall kind of. So, as you are running down this mountain, you bounce back and forth from boulder to boulder. The easy way to do this is to step with just your toes. Your heel doesn't even touch the rock. You are flying down this mountain so fast that you don't even have time for your heel to touch the rock. But, if you are going slow and you let your heel bounce off the rock, this will make for a long and uneventful trip down. This way is just too difficult. The way you step on the rock matters. You could do it the easy way or the hard way, it is up to you. This is the same with life. Life is full of stepping stones. We can step on them one way, a way full of pessimism, unhappiness, fear, etc., or we can step on them another way, a way full of optimism, joy, and adventure. This sounds like the better way. So, as you are stepping on those little stones tomorrow, think about the way that you are stepping on them. Are you joyful? Or, are you in a bad mood for no apparent reason?

I hope you have a blessed Sunday!

P.S. The way this blog turned out was not was I was anticipating when I began to write my analogy. And look, something really great came from it. This is what I call divine inspiration.

My List

I have having a program in 45 minutes with a wonderful group of women. We meet every other Thursday to talk about a different topic, and tonight we are talking about our bucket list. Instead of a calling it a bucket list I like to say that it is a list of things that I think would be cool to do but that I probably won't ever do. So, tonight you get the enjoyment of reading my very own list. This should be fun. Enjoy!

     1. Ride in a hot air balloon
     2. Go to the Kentucky Derby and wear a really cool dress and a really big hat
     3. Open up a bed and breakfast for a year (this will only happen if I live in the East coast)
     4. Write a book, and get it published (This one may actually happen. At least I hope it does.)
     5. Learn kick boxing (Unfortunately I learned last semester that aggression begets aggression, so I would become more aggressive by doing this. Oh well, I may use it one day for my benefit.)
     6. Swing dancing (I already do this but I want to keep doing it.)
     7. Learn how to sew little dresses
     8. Pick photography back up
     9. Have a garden in my backyard 
     10. Become fluent in a foreign language, most likely spanish.
     11. Learn how to make nutbread (I already know how to make strudel so now I need to learn how to make nutbread. This will be accomplished one day.)
     12. Go to a Duke vs. UNC game at Duke (this will probably never happen. A girl can dream, though.)
     13. Learn to play an instrument, probably piano
     14. Open up a bakery - I would call it the "Strudel Bar"
     15. Visit Spain, and Ireland, and Slovenia
     16. Open up a flower shop
     17. Adopt a child
     18. Pick crocheting back up
     19. Take a round trip in which I would have no set destination and I would stop at places to see the worlds largest pancake and the like
     20. Meet the Pope - this would be cool

The whole reason behind this is because I think it says a lot about who you are. These things are things you wish to accomplish or things you think would be fun or things you just want to do. Therefore, the list says a lot about you. You should make one. Yes, that's your activity for tomorrow. I promise, it's really fun and it makes you think.

Thanks for looking into my little world :)

Trust

Here is my little tidbit on trust. Why do we not trust the Lord? Why do we worry? Everything always works out the way it is suppose to, and eventually we always see that something good can come from anything, if we just give ourselves time to see it. So, if we realize that things always work out the way they are suppose to, and if good comes from everything, than why on earth do we lack trust or worry? It really just doesn't make sense. We have this empirical evidence on this concept of trust, how the Lord fulfills everything. We call this evidence experience. Yet, we are human and we fall into this habit of not trusting. Let us really trust our lives with the Lord. It is proven, He will not let you done. If only we would really understand this.

The Possibilities

I am applying for an internship for the summer and I went today to go talk to the doctor leading the program. Let me just say that I am so excited for my future! I really hope that I get accepted into the intership. Besides the summer as being the future that I am excited for (which I really am so excited about), I am becoming more excited for my future career path. Some things are still up in the air but with every professional that I see and talk to my future becomes clearer to me. I cannot stress how important it is to go talk to people if you are looking to make a decision, especially a career/education one. My motto is to use your resources. This includes those people that have a little more knowledge in the subject matter than you do. I have found such great benefits from talking to different people. You know, it's not just the information that I receive from these people, but to see that these people exist - to put a face with a profession. Today I was able to see my future in a more realistic way than ever before, and it made me so excited! I was able to see a professional that really cares about what she does, and this makes me want to strive ever more to the place where I can really help people. I think that I am saying that getting my doctorate is becoming ever more possible, wanted, and realistic for me, but I am still not 100% positive. We will just have to wait and see. Oh the possibilities. I can't wait to see where I end up. Pray for me in this decision!!!

1 Timothy 4:12

I don't have anything in particular to say tonight so I will just leave you with this bible verse. It is one of my favorites.

"Don't let anyone look down to you because you are young, but set an example for the believers in speech, in life, in love, in faith, and in purity." 1 Timothy 4:12

What We are Made for

We are made to be in relationships, in communion, with other people. This seems very evident to me right now. I don't know what it is, but I do know that I am craving some quality conversation right now. There is nothing in particular that I want to talk about, but I just need one of those good conversations. I am in the mood to talk, but maybe not even talk, maybe to just listen, to be in communion with another. This does make sense because this is what we are made for. Maybe I haven't had a quality conversation in a while. If that is the case, then it is completely understandable that I need to have a conversation with another. If I feel like I am lacking in something that I am made for, then I really must be lacking in it. Listen to your nature when it is talking to you. Instead of doing homework, something that I can always be doing, I am going to go find someone to have a conversation with about who knows what. Thank you human nature for giving me an excuse to enjoy my Sunday.

Why Not?

I really like to enjoy life. This means that I like to try new things, or do things differently than other people. I like to be myself and have fun. I do what I do and I enjoy it. I find it to be virtuous to live life this way. Step outside of yourself and try something new. I feel like I have done this many times in my life, and whether they were big steps or small steps, they have all turned out to be worthwhile. For example, when I was in high school, I noticed in the Church bulletin something about a youth group. At the time I had no idea that a youth group existed at my church. After about a month or so of reading about youth group in the Sunday bulletin, I finally decided to get the courage and just go. So I did because I wanted to. That one act turned into one of the greatest and most fundamental decisions of my life. Youth group became such an anchor in my life. If I didn't have it I am not sure if I would be the person that I am. Another example is the camp that I worked at this past summer, Camp Wojtyla. This may have been a bit more extreme decision than going to youth group, but there was absolutely no hesitation in deciding to apply. The fact that I was completely secluded from my family (except for a few phone calls) and the fact that I was living in a teepee for the summer was unlike anything I had ever done. And yet, as of now, it was the best and most unique experience I have ever had in my entire life. I feel like I need to give another example that is not as large as the previous two. Let me think. Oh gosh, duh! This blog. I don't mean to sound so sappy, but honestly, I have thoroughly enjoyed writing every day, and Lent is not even over yet. Somehow the idea of having a blog came into my head and so I just decided to do it. Why not? I love to write about anything and everything and I figured that having a blog would give me a great opportunity to do that more. My advice is this: if there is something that you have always wanted to do or maybe just something that you want to try, just do it. Try it. See what happens. It could be the best thing for you. And don't care about what other people think. I have this one friend of mine, a very good friend of mine, that always questions the things that I do. He would say, "well, why did you do that?" (meaning something fun or silly that I did). I would always respond, "why not?" And before long, he caught on and knew what my answer would always be if he ever asked that question. Does everything need a huge explanation? I don't think so. If you want to do something just because, that is perfectly ok. Try it out. 

I mentioned virtue in the above paragraph. My idea is that when we let our guard down and let our personality really show through with the little choices that we make, we may indeed become more virtuous. In trying the things that I want to do, not because someone told me to or because I received permission from someone, I was able to become more of myself through doing those things. If you naturally want to do something, if you naturally find something fun or amusing, such activities are revealing  your pesonality, who you are. So, when you participate in those activities you are actually helping yourself become more like yourself. You are helping yourself become your natural self. When you become more like yourself, the person that God created you to be, I think you are growing in virtue. So, when I am trying something new, when I step outside of my comfort zone, I am allowing God to really shape me into the person He wants me to be. If I am naturally inclined to like or be interested in something, then such situations are especially easy for God to shape me. When we participate in such activities, when we open ourselves up to letting God shape us through these activities, then we become closer to the person that God created us to be, and thus we become more virtuous. This exact thing happened to me last night. Swing dancing is something that I have picked up here at college. And oh do I love it! It gives me the opportunity to come outside of myself and to really have fun. When I am swing dancing I know that I am being a better version of myself because I allow myself to have fun. I am always smiling and laughing and having fun. I can tell that in those moments I am becoming, and recognizing, more of the woman that God wants me to be. Therefore, not only does the act of dancing make me happy, but the realization that I am becoming a better person through the dancing makes me the happiest. I love the person that I am when I am dancing. So joyful. Ha, this is such a silly example but so true. 

If you ever want to try something new but you can't come up with the courage to do it just call me and I will tell you, "why not?"     

Fragrance Prayer

Below is a prayer that I love to pray. It is a perfect example of what I think my purpose is in life, as mentioned last night. I hope you enjoy it as much as I do.

Fragrance Prayer
Dear Jesus, help me to spread your fragrance everywhere I go. Flood my soul with your spirit and life. Penetrate and possess my whole being so utterly that all my life may be only a radiance of yours. Shine through me, and be so in me that every soul I come in contact with may feel your presence in my soul. Let them look up and see no longer me but only you, dear Jesus! Stay with me, and then I shall begin to shine as you shine; so to shine as to be a light to others. The light, O Lord, will be all from you; none of it will be mine. It will be you, shining on others through me. Let me thus praise you in the way you love best: by shining on those around me. Let me preach you without preaching, not by words but by my example, by the catching force, the sympathetic influence of what I do, the evident fullness of the love my heart bears to you. Amen.
-John Henry Cardinal Newman

A Purposeful Life

Can you imagine life without meaning? Can you imagine living every day (going to class, going to work, being at home with the kids) meaningless? This doesn't sound like a good way to live life. What would the point be? Our lives are meant to have meaning. 

The reason I am talking about this is because of how excited I am for my future. My future as a grad student, my future as a wife, my future as a mom, my future as a psychologist. It brings me so much joy and excitement to think about my daily activities and how I will be able to touch peoples' lives. When you think about that, when you think about making an affect on someone, then all of the tough things that you are doing to get there don't seem so bad. It's all worth it. Let me just say that I am ready for whatever God has in store for me, and I am so excited about it! 

If I could give you a one sentence explanation of my purpose in life it would be this: I want to affect people in such a way that my actions, my words, my response, and my personality will bring about a change in them in which they will want to live a better life and become a better version of themselves. So, my question for you is, what is your purpose? I dare you, write it out and see what happens.   

"Free Advice. Come and get it."

I have to tell you about something today that completely flattered me. I received an email today from someone (whom will not be named) asking me to look over the mission statement, values, etc. of this job that he is applying for. The reason he asked me was because he is applying for a job at a Christian university, and he (a Catholic) wanted me (a theology major) to make sure that it was legit. and that there wasn't something no good that he couldn't see. Oh my goodness, this made my day! For the first time I feel like I have used my degree in such a practical way! Of course I have used my theological knowledge many times before, but I usually used my knowledge in Catholic settings. Today, I was able to use my knowledge for something of the world. Plus, it felt really good to actually know what I was talking about. Yeah for a college education! 

Not only did this occurrence flatter me, it also got me thinking. It was so nice to have someone ask me for my "professional" opinion. Hesitantly, I am calling myself a "professional" because the majority of the world does not have the same education that I have. Therefore, compared to the rest of the world, I am a "professional" in the theological field. This is besides the point. Someone asked me for help/adivce/guidance, whatever you want to call it. It didn't bother me. It felt great! So it got me thinking. My head kept saying, "use me, use me!" Clearly, this needs an explanation. Sometimes I wish you all could just get into my head. Probably not a good idea. Anyways, I enjoyed the fact that someone asked me for my help in something that I am good at. When someone asks me to help them with arts and crafts, for example, I do not get exicted at this because I do not enjoy arts and crafts that much because I am not all that creative. However, if you ask me for help with something that I am good at, I love to help! If you have some psychological problem, I love to help (I am also a psychology major). If you need advice, I'm the girl. Why is this? Why do we like helping people, especially if we are good at it? First, this is a compliment to us. If you are asking for my help then that must mean that you see me being pretty competent in this area. Newsflash! This is words of affirmation in the making. Second, and more importantly, we were made to serve others. Since we are made in the image and likeness of God, we participate in the one divine act of God. If you all remember, Jesus came to serve. Here I am participating in that one act. Here's another cool thought: as the Church states, we find ourselves in the giving of ourselves. Therefore, when I give of myself, by way of helping someone (in this instance), then I come to undertand myself better. This proved to be the case today. So, why was I happy to help someone today? Because I was able to participate in the Trinity. Because I was being like Jesus. Because I was made to serve, and, in serving, I came to understand myself more. Once again, thank you college education!

"What is the lesson to learn from all of this?" you may ask. If I like it when people ask me for my expertise, then other people probably like it when I ask them for their expertise. What I am saying is to use people (in the good sense of the term). We are on this earth to help one another. So why aren't we helping one another? Why aren't we asking for help? Be careful about freely giving help; it may not be wanted. I guess my advice is to be open to other people's help. Open yourself up, be vulnerable, and ask for help, if needed. Most importantly, this is what really got me thinking today, there is someone in particular who we should also run to for help: Jesus. He is here and He is freely available, and yet we do not use Him as we should. Why the heck not? I can just picture Him. He is holding a sign that reads, "Free advice. Come and get it." And it just blows my mind how we do not run to the person that can help us the most. This is something to think about.

I enjoyed writing this today. I hope you enjoyed reading it.

Happy Day

I really don't have much to say tonight, but one thing that I can say is that today was a happy day. Nothing out of the ordinary happened today. It was just a happy day. You know, sometimes we get stuck in a funk and can't get out, or we are unhappy for no real reason. There are times when we just have to tell ourselves to move on from whatever is keeping us down and enjoy life. If you look around and you see the beauty that surrounds you, this makes you want to be beautiful yourself. So smile and laugh and be beautiful. Enjoy the day while you are living it.

I hope you all have a happy day tomorrow!

Two Realities

First of all, what a beautiful day today is. I am looking out my window and I see the sun shining, students playing sand volleyball, and green grass. Spring is on the way, and I hope it keeps coming.

It's not the easiest thing coming back to school from spring break. It's not that hard either. The only way that I can explain it is in this way: two realities. When I am at school, I am doing the normal school thing. Homework, RA stuff, normal everyday living, etc. fill my day. When I am at home, I am in a completely different world. When I am at home, I get to live a home life, which is much, much different than a dorm life. When I am at home, my life just fits perfectly. I enjoy the things I do, I love the person that I am, the cherish the people I spend my time with. When I am at school, I experience all of this in a different way. I do enjoy the things I do. I love learning, I love being an RA, I love all of the college activities. I really lov e the person that I have become here. If it wasn't for this place I don't think that I would be the person that I am. This place has helped me become a better version of myself. I do cherish the people I spend time with here. The friends that I have made here are my best friends. They are actually good friends. They push you and help you grow. Yet, I still have these two distinct realities. In the past, especially my first years of college, the college reality fit oh so perfectly. Now, as I am seeing the future more clearly, this college reality is slowly dwindling day by day. Now, home life is what I am craving. I think people would be surprised how difficult it is to live in two different realities. It's as if our mind is split. You are here but you want to be there. You are there but you want to be here. You know, I never really understood when people used to say that time goes by so fast. Now I see what they mean. I know some of you reading this are thinking, "oh you just wait, it keeps getting faster." These two realities are tough. It's as if I am stuck in this phase that I have to go through to get to the next step. Understandable. We need those phases in our lives. Yet, I am so ready for the next phase, the next step. Do you know how hard it is to know the next step, to want to take the next step, but you can't because you have to finish this phase first. It's tough! Despite all of these thoughts I know that I am sitting right here right now in this phase of my life for a reason. It must be preparing me for something. Even though I wish to start the next phase, to take the next step, I must not waste the time I have. There are still things to learn, ways to grow, and people to help. Have you ever thought that God placed you in this spot at this time for a reason? If you are here, you must be here for a reason. God has a purpose. Majority of the time we don't have a clue what His purpose is, yet we are aware that there is a purpose. So my advice to you all and to myself is to not waste the phase that you are in. There are many things still left to be done. Many lives to touch, and many lives to be touched by. Enjoy it while it's here. The next step will be here soon enough.

Peace to all your hearts!

Family

It dawned on me tonight how important family is. I have realized how much I have missed them, and this causes me to want to be around them more. Our family is what has made us become the people that we are. If we had a different family, we would not been the exact people that we are. I am yearning to be around my family more. They bring me so much joy and happiness. Our lives mean nothing if we don't share them with the people that we love. We are people who were made to be in relations with others, with the family being the top priority. How much I miss and love my family! Here's a shot-out of advice for the evening (or really, early morning): do not take your family for granted. Appreciate them and realize the love you have experienced because of them.  

No Worries

It's easy to worry about upcoming things, such as papers, tests, finishing out the semester, etc. I say, why worry? Papers will get done, tests will be taken, and the semester will eventually end. So why worry? It always gets done. It always gets finished. Right now, it is easy to be intimidated by the last handful of papers that I have to do once I get back to school from spring break. It is easy for me to feel completely overwhelmed and anxious about them, but why? They all will get done. I will complete them all with excellence. So, instead of wasting my energy worrying about the late hours and the countless hours spent on these little things, I am going to save my energy for something that is more worthwhile, a day spent with my family. Instead of having our daily responsibilities on our minds, let us enjoy the moments we have with the people that mean the most to us. Papers will come and go, but family will be around forever.  

God's Landscape

Today, my friend and I spent our day out at my aunt and uncle's farm helping with the strawberry patch. It really was great to be outside in nature, to hear the birds chirping, to feel the wind blowing, to feel the sun shining, and to hear the insects keeping busy. It really is great to get to spend the day outside. I wish we all would do that more often. Why be stuck in the house all day when you can enjoy the fresh air? When you spend time outside you begin to understand that life is more simple than it seems. Those things that we worry about, we don't really need to worry about them. Forget all of the negative things and just enjoy the sun and the cool breeze. Doesn't that sound much better than doing anything else? I think so.   

Reasons

Do you ever wish that you could take something back? Or, do something differently? Have you ever regretted saying something? Or, not saying something? Maybe it was your facial expression, or lack thereof. Maybe it was the words you used, or the lack of words. Maybe it was the tone in your voice, the anger, frustration, confusion. Maybe it was the lack of all of that. Maybe it was your physical presence, or lack of. Have you ever experienced something like this?

I am throwing some advice out there that will help with those types of moments of regret. Maybe in saying the advice to an audience I will listen to it myself. One of my famous solutions to many problems is this: everything happens for a reason. This solution can be applied to everything, and if you actually understand then the solution can actually work. Everything happens for a reason. Remember those moments of regret? Remember how you wished you could change them, take them back, redo them? You simply can't. We all know this. However, there must be some soluton to this problem, this feeling that I am having because I can't take it back. Everything happens for a reason. Yes, you probably could have said something better, nicer, more kind. Yes, you probably could have reacted better. Yes, you could have done something much differently, but you didn't. You said what you said obviously for a reason, otherwise you wouldn't have said it. Despite the fact that we said it for a reason (please, do not underestimate the fact that you said/did/reacted in the first place. You did it for a reason), guilt, confusion, frustration, anxiety, etc. is still ever present. So what's the solution? Understand that you it happened for a reason. Not only did you say/did/react in the way that you did, but there is a reason, beyond that even. No, what you did may not have been the best way of going about it, however, there was a reason for it, a reason outside of yourself. Yes, you may have learned from it, and probably (hopefully) did. The other person/people could also have learned something from it. Despite the fact that those negative emotions are still running rampant in your mind, whatever happened is being used for some sort of good. Only when we believe this can those negative feelings go away. When we realize that there was a reason for this all, then the clouds start parting from the sky. I know this is hard to do, to believe and understand that there is a reason for everything. Once we do believe and understand this, the sun will start peaking out through the clouds. Some good had come from it. There was some benefit somewhere. Believe that.

Making Progress

I made some progress today, and it feels so good. I visted CSU's social work program and, in confidence, I can say that I can now officially cross that off of the list. There is no doubt in my mind. I could just feel it. Let me give you a piece of advice. Imagine who you want to be ten, twenty years down the road. Who are you? Who do you see you becoming? Figure out who that person is, what that person looks like, and once you do, then think about which path will get you there. And there is your answer.

The Horizon is Clear

Oh my goodness, the horizon is much clearer than before. Being able to speak with admission counselors from DU's social work program and counseling psych. program proved to be very helpful. It wasn't necessarily the advice they gave me, it was more of being on the campus that gave me a really good perspective. By just being on campus and going into the two respective buildings, I was able to place myself in the shoes of a student in each of the programs. By doing so, I was able to get the "feeling" whether or not I fit into that setting. I didn't really feel much with social work. Talking with an admissions counselor and student was good, but my presence on campus with that perspective didn't tickle any feathers. However, having the perspective of a counseling psych. student gave me quite the good feeling. It's hard to example, it just felt right. It just made sense. It all came together. I realized that this seems to be more of what I want to do, and I was excited about it again. So, as of right now, my future is clearer than it has been for some weeks now. Tomorrow I am visiting CSU, only their social work program, so let's see if my feelings hold up from today. What an exciting journey!

Questions and Answers

Today was a pretty good day. We went hiking, which brought me back to the good ol' days of camp. It was really good to get out in the fresh air and be out in nature. It is so easy for us to take for granted the most natural things that God gave us, one of them being the outdoors. I think our lives would be better if we stop taking these things for granted and just enjoy them.

Tomorrow I will be visiting my first graduate school. I don't know exactly how I feel. I am still confused about the whole situation but at the same time I am very excited because I feel that I will be gaining some answers to my questions that I have been living with for some time now. Maybe tomorrow I will have a better sense of what I want, what I am suppose to do. I really think that tomorrow will be filled with more clarity than questions. In this case, I will be just one step closer to my answer, to my goal. This makes me happy. So, the idea of tomorrow makes me happy. I will let you know if my thoughts match up with reality. I have hope.

Downtown Journey

Today, after a much needed nap, we headed to downtown Denver to walk around and enjoy the beautiful sunshine. People were out and about riding their bikes, running, and walking around. That's the great thing about Denver. People don't waste their time watching TV and staying inside. Everyone spends so much time being outside. This is therapy for the soul. I wish everyone would just realize how great life is. If only we would stop worrying and stop complaining then we could really enjoy ourselves and the company of others. Step outside of yourself, step ouside into the fresh air, and just enjoy the moment that is in front of you. I think this is good advice. I am going to try to listen to my own advice more.

One Thought

One thought for tonight: even though it may be difficult, being vulnerable is a good thing. This is tough to do but it seems to be necessary. Just a thought.

Dreams

I feel like I am living a dream. Is this really reality? I'm at home right now but I don't feel the way that I normally feel when I am at home. Honestly, I am searching my brain and nothing comes to mind. I'm living, I'm busy doing things here or there, and there is nothing else that is coming on in my mind than that which I am busy doing. It is quite the feeling. Homework is not on my mind, papers are not on my mind, and everything that fills up my days are not on my mind. The only thing that is on my mind is the long stetch of I-70 that I get to see tomorrow. I finally got truly excited for this trip this afternoon. I was packing and then, all of a sudden, it hit me. I get to go on vacation. I don't have to worry about school or any of my responsibilities. All I have to do is plan our day-to-day activities. This is what I am excited for. I have a destination and I will end up there. How I love trips! Traveling is my cup of tea.

I don't know about you but I caught myself almost breaking my lenten sacrifice today. Suddenly I realized, "Oh, I can't eat that." No sweets for me. Luckily, I caught myself in the nick of time.

For those of you who don't get a spring break, I am sorry. You deserve it! So give yourself a special moment this weekend. Maybe a miniature spring break. Reward yourselves for everything you do. Have a special dinner or go somewhere you've always wanted to go. Enjoy whatever moment you give yourself.

The Future

First of all, can I just say what a glorious day it was today! The sun was shinning, I didn't have that much homework, and I was well rested. Being well rested is not a daily occurrence for me. Today it was more like a miracle. A miracle in the fact that I got ten hours of sleep last night. This never, and I mean NEVER, happens on a school night. Last night was just so miraculous. I got everything done that I needed to get done, and sure, I could have done more, but I figured that I would enjoy myself with some well deserved sleep. I got into bed at exactly 9:00 p.m. Yes, this may have been a bit nerdly of me, but I do not care. I have not woken up so good as I did this morning in a long time. As nerdly as I may be, it was well worth it. Oh, my brother called me an hour into my sleep last night and I was not making any sense. He said something along the lines of "don't college students usually stay up late?" Most college students do, but last night I was not most college students. And I am VERY ok with that.

What is even better about today is that spring break officially starts tomorrow. For me, I consider spring break to start, well, right now because I am all done with my homework and all I have to do is fun things, such as writing on my blog. So, I welcome myself to spring break. Oh, how I have wanted you for so long! You are finally here!

One of my best friends and I are going to Denver for spring break to visit my brother and sister-in-law. I did not allow myself to think about it all week, even up to a couple of hours ago. I finally got excited when my sister-in-law called me to finalize the plans. Then I realized that spring break is actually reality and not just some wishful thinking on my part. It will be great to get away and get reenergized, laugh a lot, and have good conversations. It almost still seems unreal, but I am choosing to believe in it. I think I will
be happy with my choice of faith in this matter.

Spring break can't be all fun-and-games. I have to be productive in some way. I will check productivty off my spring break list by visiting two schools and their graduate programs in Colorado. I will be visiting Denver University for their Social Work program and their Counseling Psychology program. I will be visiting Colorado State University for their Social Work program. This will be extremely beneficial for me. Here is where my title of the post actually comes into play. The future. Enough said. No, I'm just kidding. What do I have to say about the future? The words confusion, excitement, unknowing, and anticipation come to mind. The future. That's enough to get someone really anxious. Unfortunately, that is what I have experienced some of the time in discerning my future. I have two routes to go: Social Work or Counseling Psych. At least I have narrowed it down that much. I have two places to live: Kansas or Colorado. (Just a side note, I plan on looking at KU and UMKC but I haven't done that yet. They are a little more convenient than Colorado.) Gosh, it seems that my future plans should be easy. I have narrowed it down enough that I don't have much to choose from. Yet, I am still unsure. Today I have learned to be at peace about this uncertainty. I know that whichever I choose, it will be the right choice and it will suit me well. So why worry? Why fret and anticipate something that we don't need the answer to now? Yes, I know that I am talking about futures here and futures are kind of a big deal. However, there come moments in our lives when all we can live with is uncertainty. I am not saying this is a bad thing. I am saying that when we have moments of uncertainty, when there is nothing else we can do to make up our minds, uncertainty is exactly the place where we are supposed to be. Thus, living in uncertainty can be seen not as a weakness, but as a strength through our weakness. I am weak in this moment, in this decision. There is nothing hiding that. But the fact that I am admitting that I am uncertain about things, that I still need to discover, learn, and grow from a few things is where strength is found in my weakness. Look over the past few years of your lives. What are some moments that were uncertain for me? Maybe in choosing a job. Maybe in picking a college. Maybe deciding where to go on vacation. Now look and see how things have turned out since those decisions. What has happened? Has everything turned into destruction? My guess is, since you are reading this blog, probably not. Therefore, my argument is that everything always turns out ok. This means that we make the right decision in the first place or we ensure that something beneficial will come through whichever decision we have made. Never in my wildest dreams would I have thought that I would have ended up right here where I am, doing all of the things that I am doing. Somehow I got here. Somehow it has all turned out ok. Somehow I have enjoyed it. So, in those moments of uncertainty, embrace the uncertain-ness. Accept the fact that you don't have it all figured out. I don't. But understand that one of these days you will know. You will know which direction to go and you will feel peace with that decision. Also, accept the fact that you can't do it alone. You need the people who know you best to help lead you to the right decision. Listen here people, the person that knows you best is God. So instead of seeking our answers through a television show or pulling our answer out of a hat, ask the divine hand who planned the whole thing in the first place. What does He want of you? Where does He want you to go? Trust me, He will lead you in this, but only if you let Him. If you understand this, if you understand that you will end up exactly where you are supposed to be, then everything will be ok.

Peace, my dear friends.

The Beginning of a Beautiful Journey

Today is Ash Wednesday, the beginning of Lent. Oh, how I love Lent! This is by far my most favorite Church season. Think about it. Right now everything is cold, dark, dead, and dreary. Come Easter Sunday, everything is full of life! I am not just talking about the weather. This is a transformation in our souls. There is nothing quite like the feeling that I get on Easter Sunday.

So, you may be wondering why on earth I have started a blog. In preparing for Lent, and when I mean preparing I mean months in advance (if you know me well enough this makes sense that I have been thinking about Lent for a long time), I knew that I wanted to come up with a sacrifice that is unique but worth doing. I have wanted to start a blog for sometime now and this seemed like the perfect opportunity to do so. So here I am writing my blog. And let me tell you how excited I am! I'm excited! I don't have a set topic that I will be writing about everyday. I am going to take the moments that make up my day and pinpoint the spots of inspiration. These such moments reveal God's presence in my life. I can't wait to continue sharing with you and growing towards God in communion with you. What a beautiful journey this will be. 

Enjoy your fast everybody and realize that we are in this journey together!