The Future

First of all, can I just say what a glorious day it was today! The sun was shinning, I didn't have that much homework, and I was well rested. Being well rested is not a daily occurrence for me. Today it was more like a miracle. A miracle in the fact that I got ten hours of sleep last night. This never, and I mean NEVER, happens on a school night. Last night was just so miraculous. I got everything done that I needed to get done, and sure, I could have done more, but I figured that I would enjoy myself with some well deserved sleep. I got into bed at exactly 9:00 p.m. Yes, this may have been a bit nerdly of me, but I do not care. I have not woken up so good as I did this morning in a long time. As nerdly as I may be, it was well worth it. Oh, my brother called me an hour into my sleep last night and I was not making any sense. He said something along the lines of "don't college students usually stay up late?" Most college students do, but last night I was not most college students. And I am VERY ok with that.

What is even better about today is that spring break officially starts tomorrow. For me, I consider spring break to start, well, right now because I am all done with my homework and all I have to do is fun things, such as writing on my blog. So, I welcome myself to spring break. Oh, how I have wanted you for so long! You are finally here!

One of my best friends and I are going to Denver for spring break to visit my brother and sister-in-law. I did not allow myself to think about it all week, even up to a couple of hours ago. I finally got excited when my sister-in-law called me to finalize the plans. Then I realized that spring break is actually reality and not just some wishful thinking on my part. It will be great to get away and get reenergized, laugh a lot, and have good conversations. It almost still seems unreal, but I am choosing to believe in it. I think I will
be happy with my choice of faith in this matter.

Spring break can't be all fun-and-games. I have to be productive in some way. I will check productivty off my spring break list by visiting two schools and their graduate programs in Colorado. I will be visiting Denver University for their Social Work program and their Counseling Psychology program. I will be visiting Colorado State University for their Social Work program. This will be extremely beneficial for me. Here is where my title of the post actually comes into play. The future. Enough said. No, I'm just kidding. What do I have to say about the future? The words confusion, excitement, unknowing, and anticipation come to mind. The future. That's enough to get someone really anxious. Unfortunately, that is what I have experienced some of the time in discerning my future. I have two routes to go: Social Work or Counseling Psych. At least I have narrowed it down that much. I have two places to live: Kansas or Colorado. (Just a side note, I plan on looking at KU and UMKC but I haven't done that yet. They are a little more convenient than Colorado.) Gosh, it seems that my future plans should be easy. I have narrowed it down enough that I don't have much to choose from. Yet, I am still unsure. Today I have learned to be at peace about this uncertainty. I know that whichever I choose, it will be the right choice and it will suit me well. So why worry? Why fret and anticipate something that we don't need the answer to now? Yes, I know that I am talking about futures here and futures are kind of a big deal. However, there come moments in our lives when all we can live with is uncertainty. I am not saying this is a bad thing. I am saying that when we have moments of uncertainty, when there is nothing else we can do to make up our minds, uncertainty is exactly the place where we are supposed to be. Thus, living in uncertainty can be seen not as a weakness, but as a strength through our weakness. I am weak in this moment, in this decision. There is nothing hiding that. But the fact that I am admitting that I am uncertain about things, that I still need to discover, learn, and grow from a few things is where strength is found in my weakness. Look over the past few years of your lives. What are some moments that were uncertain for me? Maybe in choosing a job. Maybe in picking a college. Maybe deciding where to go on vacation. Now look and see how things have turned out since those decisions. What has happened? Has everything turned into destruction? My guess is, since you are reading this blog, probably not. Therefore, my argument is that everything always turns out ok. This means that we make the right decision in the first place or we ensure that something beneficial will come through whichever decision we have made. Never in my wildest dreams would I have thought that I would have ended up right here where I am, doing all of the things that I am doing. Somehow I got here. Somehow it has all turned out ok. Somehow I have enjoyed it. So, in those moments of uncertainty, embrace the uncertain-ness. Accept the fact that you don't have it all figured out. I don't. But understand that one of these days you will know. You will know which direction to go and you will feel peace with that decision. Also, accept the fact that you can't do it alone. You need the people who know you best to help lead you to the right decision. Listen here people, the person that knows you best is God. So instead of seeking our answers through a television show or pulling our answer out of a hat, ask the divine hand who planned the whole thing in the first place. What does He want of you? Where does He want you to go? Trust me, He will lead you in this, but only if you let Him. If you understand this, if you understand that you will end up exactly where you are supposed to be, then everything will be ok.

Peace, my dear friends.